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The Keys of Attraction Part 1—Confidence


For my inaugural blog post, I thought I’d touch upon a subject that is both full of confusion for men and women out there but that is one of the most important things for those looking to take control of your love life and live in a world of abundance. Attraction is seemingly this incredible unattainable mystery, but for those who evolve into a what I call a Magnetic Man/Woman, it is just a natural occurring phenomenon.

So, what is attraction exactly?
Attraction is that inexplicable feeling of being pulled or drawn towards something or somebody; it is the action or power of evoking interest in or liking for someone or something.

If that doesn’t sound very prescriptive or clear, then welcome to the club! Attraction has been one of the biggest mysteries for men and women over the ages. Courtship is no longer a process of beating a girl over the head with a club and dragging her to your cave for a bout of sexy rough and tumble, or for a woman, just simply batting your eyelids at a handsome stranger expecting him to engage you. Having said that though, there is something about a man who can take charge of a situation that will tickle a woman’s innards, and a woman who can exude the confidence of knowing what she wants and is willing to ask for it will soon have guys lining up around the street corner vying for her affections…

So let’s have a look at some of the traits that most all people will agree makes them swoon, their knees tremble and forget about whatever topic of conversation they were having…

This is a trait that most women will agree is the special sauce that will get their special sauces flowing. And men can’t help but to turn around in wonder as a woman with supreme confidence walks past. But simply telling someone “Just have confidence!” is one of the most ubiquitous but terribly unhelpful pieces of advice that’s served to hopeful men on a daily basis.

Confidence is not something you can just “have”. It’s an outcome. A state of being. It is not just a result of an intention to “have confidence”, it is the byproduct of the powerful layers of knowingness that are built up through experience.

“Knowingness of what exactly?” you ask? Well this is where the truly attractive people differ from the showy Players and attention-seeking validation junkies out there. Whereas the “unevolved” men and women, and in fact many of the Players, Pickup Artists, and Club Girls of the world, spend their time playing mind games and building false bravado and almost clown-like personas, the truly attractive ones, let’s call them the Magnetic Men and Women spend more time working on their inner core and bringing it to the surface than on pimping and prettying up their outer layers.

This inner core work forms the foundation of the knowingness aspect. It is formed from an understanding of the Magnetic Man/Woman’s own self. It starts with understanding their Core Identity—their true desires, their boundaries, motivations, purpose, and passions. Next they uncover and conquer their Fears—those outer layers of bullshit and social conditioning that have been formed over a lifetime of living in fear and living to appease others and broader society as a whole. Finally, he/she works to align every aspect of their self to their true self and Core Identity through Lifestyle Alignment, so that they show up in the world entirely congruent with their Core Identity and lives the lifestyle he or she desires.

What is appealing about Magnetic Men and Women, is that they knows exactly who they are and exactly what they want in life. They carry the incredible power to say “No” as much as they says “Yes” to things. They push away the people and opportunities that don’t serve their needs or desires, and naturally attract and embrace all that which is aligned to their true Core Identity.

The “unevolved” men and women however, potter about in a world of uncertainty. They don’t know what their purpose in life is, are afraid to take risks, and latch on to every single person and opportunity that comes their way, forming incredible attachment to these things, whether they truly serve them or not. A person who is without knowingness acts in this manner, and sub-communicates desperation and that they live without abundance. This is NOT an attractive quality.

Experience is as much about embracing failure (both past and future) as it is about positive success. Avoiding failure is a seriously debilitating act that will seriously limit your success in life. Every failure contains incredible learnings that, as long as you openly seek and embrace feedback, will move you one step closure to understanding what success is. As Thomas Edison said of the process of inventing the light bulb: “I haven’t failed, I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work”. Aggressively taking this positive approach to learning the things that don’t work, will ultimately lead you to the thing or things that do.

One of the missions I occasionally get clients to do is the “20 Consecutive Blowouts Challenge”. It is a conscious exercise where the goal is to get blown out of 20 straight interactions from cold approach in a single evening. By pushing themselves to fail over and over again my clients very quickly learn what it is that doesn’t work by consciously pushing themselves into unfamiliar territory. Because the aim is to get blown out, if you succeed, great, you get 20 different learnings, if you don’t, great—you’ve just found yourself in a fun and interesting interaction. Very rarely do my clients get to blowout #15 before they find themselves with either a date lined up or in a beautiful make out session with someone promising and attractive.

The “unevolved” person shies away from failure. He or she stays in comfortable territory, putting up with life as it is, letting it dictate its terms to them, rather than the other way around. Ask yourself, “In what areas of my life do I just coast by letting life control me?”

A Magnetic Person not only truly knows them self, but he or she learns from failures, takes control of their life and isn’t afraid of going after their true desires. This is an undeniably attractive quality for men and women.

About The Author

Andrew Mashiko

Andrew Mashiko is Australia's Leading Dating & Lifestyle Coach, and #1 Bestselling author of "The Principles of Authentic Attraction". Andrew created the Core Attraction System to empower individuals to naturally and effortlessly attract their ideal partner through authenticity and embodying their true core identity.