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The Keys of Attraction Part 5—Appearance

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So, I know what you’re thinking… Appearance? That’s a very shallow thing to focus on! That may be so, but I dare say that not a single person on this planet (unless driven by their own insecurities) when faced with two people with the exact same personality, but with one person slightly more physically attractive than the other, wouldn’t choose the more attractive option.

But in this case we’re talking about the “exact same personality”. Our appearance contributes heavily to the formation of our personality, so to completely separate them would not be realistic. The taller boys at school would have given more attention as a child, maybe they were even voted class president. There is a statistically significant correlation between height and success in the corporate world.

Likewise, for the more attractive woman, she would have been treated very differently as a child. She would have garnered more attention from boys, would have been in the “cool girls'” clique, maybe even the central figure in it. And, of course when it comes to business opportunities, more attractive women fare better… if you go on the statistics alone.

So what do I do as a less attractive specimen? Should I just give up now??!! A very good question, and a very relevant one. It comes down to two things: 1) by fixing the easy stuff to make sure your appearance (or more accurately, your presentation of yourself) aligns with who you are, and 2) coming back to the earlier example that people would choose the more attractive option from two people with the “exact same personality”. You just need to have a far more attractive personality, as your personality has incredible power to overcome even the most debilitating of physical conditions and make you very attractive to the opposite sex. This comes down to Mental Attitude.

So first, let’s look at the easy stuff to improve: your Grooming, Fashion, and Fitness & Health.

Yes, even Fitness & Health is easy to improve if you have the right discipline behind it. Men and women will unconsciously look for certain physical indicators in a potential partner to assess that they are strong, or a good match for merging genetic material. Like it or not, we are very strongly driven by our very deeply seated desires for replicating our species, and “attraction” is just a signal from our subconscious mind telling us “this person would be good to mate with”.

The key physical indicators a woman looks for in a man are those things that indicate that he is a leader of men (height is often mistakenly associated with this), is physically strong, healthy, has high levels of testosterone (indicated by muscle mass and those so-called “chiselled” features). The indicators men look for in a woman are things such as healthy skin tone, signs of physical arousal (dark circles around the eyes, flushed cheeks, rosy lips), symmetry of facial features, large breasts, and the so-called “child-bearing” hips.

Of course, not all of these things can be addressed without terribly invasive surgery or cybernetic implants. But the good news however, is that a lot of it is.


Oftentimes, something as simple as rejigging your wardrobe with suitable clothing that will make you appear taller, or stand out as unique (without going overboard on this), and working out at the gym will make a big difference for guys.

For women, make up goes a long way to emulating the signals men look for, and clothing that is classy (not trashy!) that highlights your feminine curves will draw a good response from men.

In either case, finding the right wardrobe that not only accentuates your masculine/feminine side, but that is well tailored, fits well, and is congruent with your Core Identity will factor largely in how attractive you will be perceived from the first moment’s glance.


Next, Grooming is just a no-brainer. If you walk around with flecks of dandruff all over your clothes, or people can smell you from a mile away because you don’t wash regularly, don’t expect to get offer after offer for dates. And please, bad breath is an instant attraction killer. If you despite your constant brushing and mouthwash routine you still suffer from chronic bad breath (known as a condition called Halitosis), you should consult your dentist and doctor, as you may be suffering from a medical condition such as Candida.

Fitness & Health

With regards to Fitness & Health, first ask yourself: “Does my body make me FEEL sexy?” If the answer is “yes”, then great—it is your own personal feelings about your own appearance that have more impact than your actual appearance. If you answer is that you need to work more on it, so long as you still maintain yourself within a “healthy” weight and body fat % range, then you should absolutely start eating the right kind of foods and start going to the gym and begin reshaping yourself. You will be surprised at what you can achieve in the space of 2-3 months of regular work outs at the gym coupled with proper eating habits.

Do not force yourself beyond your limits or you will soon give up. I myself hated the gym. I was overweight but I got to the point where I was just so unhappy with my body that I forced myself to do something about it. I started just by driving to and from the gym everyday, spending 15 mins in the gym environment not doing anything. Then I began just jogging on the treadmill for 10-15 mins. Then I was doing longer runs, and incorporating body weight exercises. I started cooking healthy food for myself, and little by little I upped the ante as my body started to condition itself. And in 3.5 months, I went from barely being able to run 3 km, to finishing an entire marathon in under 3:50:00. Now, to maintain my fitness I go for three 12-16 km runs a week. It’s a routine that has been integrated seamlessly into my life, which is how it needs to be.

Mental Attitude

So, what about the personality aspect? My program primarily deals with this at a more holistic and comprehensive level, but as it relates to your appearance, there will no doubt be things that feel anxious about. The key here is to identify the things that you’re uncomfortable or insecure about and turn them into unique traits about yourself that you embrace as part of your identity.

Perhaps you are insecure about your height. Maybe it’s your ethnicity. It may even be some physical condition you were born with. The key here is to understand what bullshit others carry around with regards to stereotypes or their own insecurities (i.e., fear that they will be judged by their own peer group). Don’t be afraid to call people out on their bullshit, and embrace, even make fun of, your own physical attributes.

You can use humour to highlight the silliness of the stereotypes they may have. For example: “Sorry to disappoint, I know I may look like Brad Pitt, but really I’m just your average run-of-the-mill ass model.” Or, regarding height, “I challenge you to find a guy over 6′ tall who can come anywhere close to my power-to-height ratio!” If you’re a very tall woman, you can say something like “Yes, that’s right, I eat shorter men for breakfast. I find they’re a lot higher in protein than your average muesli.” If you can mix sexual innuendo with your humour, it becomes even more powerful as you not only demonstrate confidence in who you are, but you also convey yourself as a comfortable and powerfully sexual being which amps up attraction to very high levels. For example: “Oh, you’re afraid of the whole Asian thing because of the small dick thing, right? Well, yes I do have the world’s smallest penis, but thankfully I have a 12″ long tongue and I can breathe through my ears.”

In conclusion, after fixing the stuff you can easily change, whatever your insecurities may be, learn to love them as a part of what makes you a uniquely attractive being. Have fun with yourself, and poke fun at others who just project their own insecurities on you. You will be surprised how powerful you can be when you just stop worrying and embrace yourself.

About The Author

Andrew Mashiko

Andrew Mashiko is Australia's Leading Dating & Lifestyle Coach, and #1 Bestselling author of "The Principles of Authentic Attraction". Andrew created the Core Attraction System to empower individuals to naturally and effortlessly attract their ideal partner through authenticity and embodying their true core identity.